you lose arguments with inanimate objects.
you have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. 
your job is interfering with your drinking. 
your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. 
your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts. 
the back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. 
you sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group. 
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case just could *not* be a coincidence.
you think two hands and just one mouth is a drinking problem! 
you can focus better with one eye closed. 
the parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar. 
every woman you see has an exact twin. 
you fall off the floor... 
your twin sons are named Barley and Hops. 
you pass up dinner cuz 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger.
the glass keeps missing your mouth! 
Bill Clinton starts to make sense. 
vampires catch a buzz after attacking you [also mosquitos!] 
at an AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..." 
your idea of cutting back is less salt. 
you wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm. 
the whole bar says 'Hi, [your name here]' when you come in... 
you think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and [Women][Men]. 
every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive. 
you can say (with a straight face) "Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol"
Roseanne looks good. 
you don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass. 
you have a Reserved Parking space at the liquor store. 
you think you are as jober as a sudge. 
you wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki. 
you've fallen and you can't get up. 
you finish a drink and shout "BeerTender! Get me another Bar!"
the shrubbery's drunk too, from frequent watering. 
that damned pink elephant follows you home again. 

Don't Use w/o permission, ok?
HaTcH 2002 "Liger's Union"
www.zoids3d.cjb.net