For those who already have children past this age, this is
hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
For those who are entering into teaching, thank God that you get to give them back
at the end of the day.

The following came from an anonymous father in Allentown, NJ:
Things I've learned from my children (honest & no kidding):

1. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades,
they can ignite.

3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to
rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong
enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a
20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a
ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get
a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already
too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man
says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Allentown, NJ has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.The mind of a 6-year-old is wonderful. First grade...true story:
One day the first-grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs
to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying
to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig
went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir,
but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then
asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised
his hand and said, "I think he said..."'Holy sh*t! A talking pig!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.