You know you're a redneck if : Your front porch collapses and kills more than six dogs.
You know you're a redneck if : Less than half the cars you own run.
You know you're a redneck if : Your house has more milage than your car.
You know you're a redneck if : If you have appeared on TV more than 7 times just to explain a tornado.
You know you're a redneck if : Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Patrolman to kiss her ass.
You know you're a redneck if : If you go to a family re-union just to meet women.
You know you're a redneck if : Your family tree doesn't fork.
You know you're a redneck if : If you have ever financed your tatoo (two more payments, this tatoo is mine!).
You know you're a redneck if : Your wife's hairdo has ever been caught on a ceiling fan.
You know you're a redneck if : Your mother has ever been involved in a fistfight at a high school sporting event.
You know you're a redneck if : You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
You know you're a redneck if : The neighbors started a petition about your Christmas lights.
You know you're a redneck if : Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
You know you're a redneck if : You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was snubbed for Best Picture.
You know you're a redneck if : The rear tires on your car are twice as wide as the front.
You know you're a redneck if : You consider True Story or Field and Stream deep reading.
You know you're a redneck if : You prominently display a gift purchased at Graceland.
You know you're a redneck if : You prominently display a gift you CLAIM was purchased at Graceland.
You know you're a redneck if : The diploma hanging in your den includes the words, "Trucking Institute".
You know you're a redneck if : Your mother keeps a spit-cup on the ironing board.
You know you're a redneck if : You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
You know you're a redneck if : The most common phrase heard at your family reunion is, "What the hell are YOU looking at, sh1thead?"
You know you're a redneck if : You think beef sticks and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
You know you're a redneck if : You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
You know you're a redneck if : You think the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention ever.
You know you're a redneck if : Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
You know you're a redneck if : Your matchbook doubles as a toothpick.
You know you're a redneck if : Your richest relative needed help taking the wheels off his new house.
You know you're a redneck if : You ever cut grass and found a car.
You know you're a redneck if : You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
You know you're a redneck if : You think the stock market has a fence around it.
You know you're a redneck if : Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
You know you're a redneck if : Your boat has not left the briveway in 15 years.
You know you're a redneck if : Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
You know you're a redneck if : You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as "the day my ship came in."
You know you're a redneck if : You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
You know you're a redneck if : The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You know you're a redneck if : You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
You know you're a redneck if : Your entire family has ever had to sit around waiting on a call from the Governor to spare a loved one.
You know you're a redneck if : Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hall because of her language.
You know you're a redneck if : Someone asks, "Where's your bowling bag?" and you answer, "She's at home."
You know you're a redneck if : Birds are attracted to your beard.
You know you're a redneck if : You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.
You know you're a redneck if : You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
You know you're a redneck if : You've ever hit a deer with your car.....deliberately.
You know you're a redneck if : You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
You know you're a redneck if : You clean your fingernails with a pocket knife.
You know you're a redneck if : Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
You know you're a redneck if : You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
You know you're a redneck if : You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
You know you're a redneck if : Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
You know you're a redneck if : Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
You know you're a redneck if : Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
You know you're a redneck if : You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
You know you're a redneck if : There are more than 5 McDonald's bags currently in the floorboard of your car.
You know you're a redneck if : The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
You know you're a redneck if : You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
You know you're a redneck if : The tail light covers of your car are made of red tape.
You know you're a redneck if : You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You know you're a redneck if : You've ever bathed with flea & tick soap.
You know you're a redneck if : You think "taking out the trash" means taking your inlaws to a movie!
A Southern Redneck's Seven Course Dinner: Possum and a six pack!
How do you know a Redneck?  The child calls her father "Uncle Daddy"
Redneck foreplay: "Get in the truck, bitch."
Redneck foreplay: (Nudge) "Are you awake?"
Redneck love -- It's a Family affair.
Redneck marriage proposal.........YER WHUT!!??????
Redneck pickup line: "Hey, you look like my sister."
Redneck: (n); a person whose family tree doesn't fork.
URA Redneck if you keep your thermostat on 85 in the winter.
URA Redneck if Bill Clinton is the most intelligent man you've seen.
URA Redneck if Hilary Clinton is the prettiest woman you've seen.
URA Redneck if Jack Daniels makes your list of admired people.
URA Redneck if Redman Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas card.
URA Redneck if after making love you ask your date to roll down the window.
URA Redneck if all of your four-letter words are two syllables
URA Redneck if common household phrase is "Somebody jiggle that".
URA Redneck if directions to your house include "Turn off the paved road."
URA Redneck if kudzu is in your family crest.
URA Redneck if less than half the cars you own run.
URA Redneck if taxidermist bill exceeds annual income.


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HaTcH 2002 "Liger's Union"
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